i want to know if i’m one of those girls who your like wow she’s pretty. or like she’s okay. because i feel like i’m okay. maybe one day i’ll be wow she’s pretty. 

when people post two pictures together and one is better than the other but the other one isn’t all that great so you don’t reblog it….


Today I took two personality type quizzes. They said I’m futuristic, focus, deliberative, strategic, discipline. The other one I took said I was introvert, thinking, judging, and sensing. It just really makes me sad because in a professional sense these traits are really good but in a social and life style sense they aren’t. Lately I’ve noticed that i’m controlling, manipulative, demanding, futuristic, hard working. I feel like my life is controlled by me and why should I have others get in my way I guess. As long as they benefit me it’s okay. I guess that makes me a bitch?  I’ve had so many issues with friends not being friends and I guess that just ruins my whole perspective on friends. If your not gonna meet my friend expectations (which i don’t expect much but just be a good friend) then why are you in my life? I came from a tiny middle school and a small high school where friends were just given. I don’t know how to reach out or how to socialize because friends were given to me. After a while of just speculating people when I was alone, I guess judging them? I’ve just gotten a really low tolerance for people.  I guess it’s hard to come across someone who is genuinely like yourself. I guess that’s how you make friends, based on what you like and don’t like. I just tend not to like lots of things about people. I don’t even like myself so how the hell am I suppose to find anyone. Andrew is the only exception because he the only person who understands me and looks past my negative traits. He’s with me almost everyday and I feel like if you haven’t been you really don’t know me very well. And even if it’s just in school you probably don’t know me very well either. I’m at school for one soul purpose is to get an education. I have to get my way or else i’m upset. I guess that’s just the bratty kid in me. But in a grown up sense all things are achievable to me unless I don’t want to achieve them. So why not try your hardest to achieve those things? If you give it your all why wouldn’t you be upset in the end? Sometimes I’m also forgetful on short term things, also I can be very indecisive on preferences. I don’t know why. I don’t have a favorite of anything. Chloe told me that as a child I wasn’t the excited type. It’s just not in my personality. I didn’t even know that could happen. But it’s true and that’s why I was seemed so boring. I don’t get easily excited. That doesn’t make me a boring person. I still have fun. I like doing normal fun things. You just don’t take the actual time to be my friend and get to know me. Being a friend does go both ways though I understand. Things that make me happy are Andrew, cats, and little kids. I guess they all understand me or don’t bother to. I also like nutritional sciences, and exercise. I’m not too good at that though. They say it takes 15 days to make a habit though. Things have been changing a lot for me these past few months and things haven’t been going as smoothly as I’d like and I guess that’s why i’m really moody this month and sad and to most people a bitch. I want things to go my way. They are achievable, just under different circumstances I guess they aren’t so much. My mom even called me a bitch multiple times these past months because I want to help her in ways that she can’t understand because of my traits I guess as well as not being social with her. I want to do things on my own and be independent because at the end of the day I just have myself and she can’t understand that either because she is my mother, she wants the best for me, and she wants to help. I’m just different. I know this was a tangent and a rant but honestly this stuff is what i’m about and if you can’t handle it and still think i’m a bitch, then i’m happy to not be your friend. you can now delete me off of every social media and go on with your life. because honestly why do I need someone like you who can’t understand me? you can’t jump to conclusions without at least knowing facts.

my perception of good friends has been so damaged. this is why i’m antisocial. 

apparently to everyone i know i’m a bitch. i don’t even do anything, i literally just don’t do anything with my life but plan for future things. someone anon me tell me exactly how i’m such a bitch. i honestly can’t come up with a conclusion.